|
Monday, October 24, 2005
Bapa saya meninggal dunia petang Jumaat tiga hari lepas. Lebih kurang jam 3.30pm (waktu Malaysia) atau jam 8.30am (waktu Greenwich). Jenazah selamat dikebumikan pada pagi Sabtu jam 11.50am (waktu Malaysia). I was thousand miles away, but many thanks to the sms technology – I did actually follow the entire event (sms live update) – on the 22nd of October 2005 (Saturday).
|
My sister texting from Kg. Lingkudau, Ranau, Sabah. |
Me, ‘quietly’ (alone in my flat) following the event, from Humbleyard, Norwich, England. |
|
10:11:03 am (waktu Malaysia)
SMS 1: “Sdg mandikan mayat skrg”
Terjemahan: Jenazah sedang dimandikan. |
03:11:03 am (waktu Greenwich)
Saya belum tidur. Mata tak mau lelap. Masih terkejut dengan berita siang kelmarin. Filem Hindi, “Armaan” tengah meriah di CH4 (tak tengok pun sebenarnya). Sengaja biar TV dok melalak, so there was something going on kat rumah. I find it a bit depressing kalau sunyi sepi (dahlah duduk sorang-sorang!). Tapi saya serta-merta off TV, bila sms pertama sampai. |
|
10:42:37 am
SMS 2: “Sdh mandi, skrg mo kapankan sdh”
Terjemahan: Jenazah sempurna dimandikan, dan sekarang akan dikapankan.
|
03:42:37 am
Baru nak prepare sahur (biskut dan teh panas). Waktu imsak di Norwich patutnya jam 5.57am. But, I used to have my sahur very early. Most of the times, I actually just skip it. Dalam masa yang sama, saya dok berimaginasi – di mana agaknya jenazah bapa saya dimandikan? Barangkali di laman rumput berdekatan dengan pokok limau bali bantut kami. That is where I normally park my car, bila balik kampung, visiting my parents. And suddenly this thought pops out: right there (di tepi limau bantut itu), my car should have been parked today! |
|
10:58:45 am
SMS 3: “Sdh d kapankan”
Terjemahan: Jenazah sudah selesai dikapankan.
|
03:58:45 am
Tengah dok kunyah biskut yang dicecah dalam teh. For a second, an odd thought came into my mind. How could I sit here, enjoyably having my sweet sahur, ketika jenazah bapa sendiri sedang dikapankan? Terkasima juga sesaat. But knowing my father, he himself would definitely want me to enjoy my food rather than worrying about him (at this particular moment). So, saya sambung semula acara bersahur. Telan biskut pelan-pelan. |
|
11:15:24 am
SMS 4: “Solat jenazah sdh”
Terjemahan: Solat jenazah sedang berlangsung. |
04:15:24 am
Saya letak mug teh yang tinggal suku isinya di atas meja. Saya berhenti kunyah biskut. Diam-diam saya baca al-fatihah dan berdoa. Saya teringat peristiwa tahun 1998. Pakcik saya meninggal (the elder brother of my father), and I was in KL then. I rushed to the airport and took the first available-business-class flight from Subang to KK. One of my sisters arranged for a driver to pick me up at the KK airport, dan terus bawa ke Ranau merentas jalan begunung-ganang di banjaran Crocker. I missed the solat jenazah by 5 minutes. Masa saya sampai, tengah siap-sedia nak arak jenazah ke tanah kubur. I regret it for the rest of my life – gagal menunaikan solat jenazah, for someone I have regarded, all my life, as my ‘second father’. This time, I neither can afford to regret, nor to feel guilty. Even if I had taken the fastest flight on earth, I still wouldn’t have made it. |
|
11:38:44 am
SMS 5: “On d way 2 kubur”
Terjemahan: Jenazah sedang diusung ke tanah perkuburan. |
04:38:44 am
Saya dah lama habis sahur. Tengah dok belek-belek buku dan journal articles. Tak baca pun sebenarnya. Saja-saja nak ‘sibukkan’ diri. Jarak tanah perkuburan dari rumah kami taklah jauh sangat. I’m sure they will get there in less than 15 minutes. Untuk jenazah ibu (1988) dan pakcik (1998), saya julang keranda di bahagian tengah belah kiri (i.e. because I can only use my right hand. Tangan kidal saya is totally useless kalau bab-bab nak sanggah benda). How would they manage it this time without me? I can imagine my eldest brother, mesti kat depan sekali dan di sebelah kanan (his favourite position). My other five brothers agaknya bertebaran kat belakang-belakang. And, may be some of my abang ipar juga akan ambil bahagian, berganti-ganti along the way. |
|
11:50:10 am
SMS 6: “Mo kubur sdh”
Terjemahan: Jenazah sedang disemadikan. |
04:50:10 am
Saya sedang duduk bersandar pada sofa-bed. Mula terasa mengantuk sikit. Tapi dalam benak dok terbayang-bayang. Di mana agaknya lokasi kubur pilihan diorang? Last sekali saya ziarah tanah perkuburan itu pada hujung tahun 2003. Saya nampak masih ada tanah kosong dekat dengan satu pohon kemboja, lebih kurang lapan meter dari kubur ibu. I think it will be nice if they manage to secure that plot. Saya suka kemboja kerana ustaz saya dulu pernah cakap: tumbuhan berzikir tak henti-henti. Ia juga bagi teduhan rendang kepada para penziarah kubur. Tapi, mungkin tempat itu sudah diambil jenazah lain. Bukankah saban waktu, panggilan daripada-Nya akan datang bertalu-talu? Our turn might be the next one. We never know, and we should never take it for granted. Never ever! |
|
12:17:14 am
SMS 7: “Doa kubur sdh”
Terjemahan: Talqin dan doa kubur sedang dibacakan. |
05:17:14 am
Seems that it took them a good 20 minutes (at least) to lay down the body. Sekarang monsun timur-laut. Mungkinkah tanah kubur agak becak atau sedikit berair? Jadi, terpaksa buat pelan-pelan. Barangkali. I could only imagine. I wish I were there, so I would know. |
Bila masuk sms ke-7 ini (the last one), imsak di Norwich dah makin hampir. I thanked my sister for the live update. At least, it gave me some comfort – knowing that everything went just fine. Sementara nak tunggu subuh yang tinggal beberapa minit, saya baring di sofa-bed sambil melayan perasan (fuh, macam orang jiwang!). Saya teringat sms takziah yang dikirim seorang sahabat dari Malaysia. Dia selitkan ungkapan ini: “Menangislah kalau mahu. Airmata itu memanusiakan kita”. Sehingga entri ini diluncurkan ke blog, saya masih belum menangis lagi. Saya mahu, tapi airmata itu tak datang. Despite being the youngest sibling, and the ‘closest’ (proverbially) to my parents, I was actually the only one (in the entire family) that didn’t cry when my mother died 17 years ago. I don’t know if I will (or ‘can’, rather) cry this time. Kadang-kadang saya pun terfikir juga: “Am I still a normal human being? Atau dah jadi manusia hati batu?” But then again, adakah airmata merupakan satu-satunya cara untuk memanusiakan hati seorang insan? Mungkin tidak. Saya fikir tiap individu adalah unik. Each one of us approaches life differently. Surely we all have our own expectation of how a human-being should react to a particular circumstance. Kan?
13:10:12 pm (waktu Malaysia) & 06:10:12 am (waktu Greenwich): Selepas solat subuh, saya mengantuk sangat. Rasanya sekarang kawasan tanah perkuburan sudah mula lengang dan sepi. Yang tinggal hanya pusara bapa. Sendiri-sendiri. Sebelum lelap, saya cuba membayangkan (buat terakhir kali) bagaimana rupa pusara itu. Yang saya nampak, hanya tanahnya yang merah. Itu saja. Kurang lima minggu dari sekarang, saya akan berdiri buat pertama kali di depan pusara itu (jika usia saya sendiri dipanjangkan tuhan). Saya percaya, ketika itu nanti, warna tanahnya pun masih lagi merah. Ya, masih lagi merah – seperti yang sedang saya bayangkan sekarang.
Nota: Catatan ini adalah 100% kisah benar. Tiada sebarang unsur dramatisasi. Selesai menulis catatan ini, saya terlelap. Jenuh menunggu airmata datang untuk memanusiakan sekeping hati ini (tapi masih tak kunjung tiba!).
Posted at 9:36 am by Rem
 | | | athirah
February 22, 2009 11:19 AM PST
saya tau perasaan bila kehilangan orang tersayang.... mereka akan kekal dalam ingatan kita buat selamanya... i also miss my late uncle and grandfather... alwz in my mind... alfatihah... | |
| | | laila
November 25, 2008 05:26 PM PST
Abg Ramzah, takziah....al fatihah untuk ur parents...baru terbaca ur blog ni... BTW , ni Laila, Za'bahan 1992-1998. | |
| | | Lyla
September 3, 2008 02:42 AM PDT
salam.. it has been a while dat i wanted to check out ur website.. baru malam nie tergerak hati.. n out of all ur blog ( i dun really read entirely, but cukup byk la untuk malam nie ), i am touched by this one.. cause like u know, i am facing the same.. loosing a dad, a bestfriend, sumone dat means da whole world to me..
it is even worse when u can't be there to give him a proper respect for the very last time.. and for being tough and not being a cry baby like me, i salute u..
anyway.. i noe this a lil way to late.. but takziah and al Fatihah for ur dad and mine.. may they rest in peace and ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yang beriman.. amin.. | |
| | | nur
July 12, 2008 04:22 AM PDT
Salam,
Saya jarang singgah blog ini, apa2pun entri ini sangat menyentuh jiwa, kerana saya di UK sekarang.
Moga-moga sudah jadi manusia melalui air mata! main2 saja ya | |
| | | aDeq
January 14, 2008 12:26 PM PST
Takziah ... | |
| | | Ezza
August 30, 2007 01:30 PM PDT
Rem, takziah daripada Ezza walaupun peristiwa ini sudah lama berlalu :-( | |
| | | ctrosni
July 20, 2006 01:47 PM PDT
Assalamualaikum, takziah atas pemergian ayahanda yg dikasihi hampir setahun lalu. Blogged ur site by coincidence, a lot to catch up since the Zabahan days....you make us proud junior bro, make good use of the HOKI and HOKA side of your brain. | |
| | | romizan
June 2, 2006 09:09 AM PDT
akum, lama tak masuk sini. aku nak ucap takziah....sebelum aku terlupa........minggu lepas aku kahwin....sorry tak sempat nak jemput..
romizan (jelebu, negeri sembilan)-move forward | |
| | | dereza eza Run-now
May 9, 2006 04:42 PM PDT
Al-Fatihah.....masa tu saya ada dekat dengan arwah..sampai nafasnya yang terakhir... | |
| | | orange
February 19, 2006 01:13 PM PST
akum...hii sy first time join ni...takziah en..rsnye belum terlambatkan sy ucap...rentetan en buat sy ingat kat arwah mak sy pla..tp sy sempat tgok arwah sblm dia dikebumikan..time tu sy kat sabah..sy la satu2 nya anak dia tak smpat ckp dgn dia coz sy la satu2 nya anak dia yg study jauh..k la en..nk wat cam ane ALLAH lbh syg kt diorang..kita kat sini berdoa je la utk ketenteraman diorang...AL-FATIHAH | |
| | | cik zam
February 8, 2006 02:13 PM PST
lamanyaaaaa tak masuk sini...walopun lambat..saya still nak ucap takziah.. atuk saya ninggal ujung taun lps...awal bulan 12 kalo tak salah..skrang pun kalo tgk gambar dia cam terbayang2 jer kalo dia ada..tp tu la mati tu pasti..cuma masa je tak tau :) | |
| | | joe henry obit
January 24, 2006 07:16 PM PST
tobpinai i am very proud of u. hidup tanak dusun om kadazan. | |
| | | layladewi@i-love-cats.com
December 10, 2005 02:13 AM PST
rem... i m amazed that both ur parents passed away bulan puasa... al-fatihah | |
| | | layladewi@i-love-cats.com
December 10, 2005 02:07 AM PST
rem, kita baru baca entry yg ni... sedih la pulak... spashly bab u missed solat jenazah tu... :( | |
| | | soffian
November 28, 2005 04:55 PM PST
en ramzah, takziah. sorilah terlambat. actually saya saje2 melalut online mlm ni, tetiba termasuk lak kat blog en ni. lgpun dah lama tak jumpa dgn en. so bila nampak ada ramzah dambul sy trylah masuk. whatever, takziah sekali lagi dari saya mohd soffian osman (x-debater ums 2000) - yan_mrcs@yahoo.com | |
| | | Rem
November 3, 2005 08:34 AM PST
Umandak, ponsikow tagayo kio. | |
| | | umandakpower
November 2, 2005 01:26 PM PST
rem, condolence from me... u take care | |
| | | Rem
October 27, 2005 02:39 PM PDT
Sayur Peria. otopot no borosnu. Ma'an tokou ngawi pogirotoh ot ginawo.
PinkJambu, TQ. | |
| | | pink Jambu
October 26, 2005 02:43 AM PDT
tumpang sedey :( | |
| | | Sayur Peria
October 26, 2005 02:09 AM PDT
Rem,
Siou... baru oku poh nekoilo... Al Fatihah nopo dot di arwah... kada ar'at ginawo... muli tokou ngawi kuma'a dot Allah... | |
| | | tuan tanah
October 25, 2005 10:02 PM PDT
takziah... | |
| | | Rem
October 25, 2005 03:57 PM PDT
TQ Royce. Really appreciate that. | |
| | | royce
October 25, 2005 02:48 PM PDT
Rem, good luck for your VIVA. Semoga bersabar dlm menempuh segala dugaan | |
| | | Rem
October 25, 2005 12:09 PM PDT
Dang Ayang, sorry! Tersasul lagi jadi Dang Anum (*praap* tepuk dahi sendiri). :)
Nina, AhSuez & Barambang, terima kasih atas perkongsian simpati dan takziah.
Ambalut, ponsikow dot minonolipun dot osuab poh kopiyo!
Fadz, ya.. terfikir juga mau balik kejap. But my viva is two weeks from now. Nanti tak sempat pula hilang jet lag. :) | |
| | | ahsuez
October 25, 2005 09:46 AM PDT
bro, takziah to you. | |
| | | fadz
October 25, 2005 05:14 AM PDT
rem, why dont u go back to sabah for a while, katalah emergency pada pihak U..man, u really need a time with ur family la aku rasa.. | |
| | | barambang
October 25, 2005 04:40 AM PDT
Panggilan-Nya tiada siapa mampu menolak, semoga tabah menghadapi pemergian orang tersayang. Allah lebih menyayanginya. Al-Fatihah, amin. | |
| | | ony
October 25, 2005 03:13 AM PDT
Tonini Rem, iso khoiadaan .
mantad kotoluadan om pomusaraan it ogirot.
-kony | |
| | | nina
October 25, 2005 01:07 AM PDT
tabahnya ko Rem, semoga arwah ditempatkan org2 yg beriman.. aminnnn.. | |
| | | Rem
October 24, 2005 04:16 PM PDT
Fadz, thanks. Ada gak menyinggah di teratak filem ko, tapi tak tinggalkan catatan. You know me kan.. kalau dah start merapik, macam-macam keluar. Tak sesuailah pula nak merapik-meraban saat-saat cam ni kan..
Dang Anum, tak terfikir pula pasal solat ghaib. :) Anyway, sedekah fatihah dan doa pun rasanya dah ok. Hujung Nov saya balik kampung Anum. Jangan lupa lawat KK.. kita belanja makan di Anjung Selera! :) | |
| | | fadz
October 24, 2005 02:09 PM PDT
takziah pada kau...al-fatihah | |
| | | dangAyang
October 24, 2005 01:44 PM PDT
rem, kan masih boleh solat ghaib.
All the d best 2 u | |
|
|
